Відео

What if i break up and regeret

She moved on very quickly after telling me she wasn't ready for a relationship and needed time and space to find out who she is as a person. She also said "I always seem to get with the first guy I meet after a break up and never have time and space to find out who I am as a person", then she got with someone else a few weeks after we last spoke 10 days after breaking up. She looks very happy in her life without me.

Socio pathy

It's all in the name " Avoidant". Take that as a hint to avoid...Save yourself and your sanity..

Love this material. I'd love more videos on building confidence, self worth, skills to become secure, etc!

Never gonna change if they don't bother telling you what needs to change

What if I broke it off and he keeps. Coming back after I tell him to leave me alone, to move on and let me go. He won’t stop. All While blocking me and unblocking me. I broke it off a year ago. Why won’t he leave me alone if he won’t heal.

I went no contact for 45 days and reached out with a fun and light text, and they didn’t reply. Now what?😢

Two years, and the first couple of months were the best. He keeps coming in and out of my life whenever he wants, doesn’t respect my boundaries, laughs at me when I tell him he hurt me, and he actually intentionally hurts me. I had to step away. He’s hurting so much inside, and instead of getting help, he continues to come back every couple months, blocking me, unblocking me, messing with me, and pushing my buttons. The list goes on. I told him I couldn’t be with him, because I’m saved and a reborn Christian, and I won’t be with someone who doesn’t follow Jesus, love Jesus or choose Jesus. I don’t care how much they love me in a worldly way. If they don’t have Christ, I’m gone! Now, I am still kind to him, loving, compassionate and understanding , as well as patient, but I’ll never get into a relationship with him, until I know he’s truly saved. If they were saved, it would be different, because I know, eventually the Lord would help them get through all of these, as he did me, but he even denied him. People, these people are really broken, lost and hurting. They haven’t had anything but toxicity. It took years of constant work with counseling and Jesus, for me to become secure from being a DA. I’m now almost 7 years and I’m no longer a DA. If I can do it, they can do, but I did it because I loved certain people and saw how my actions and words and lack of, was hurting even my family. Keep praying, someone prayed for me, and the lord changed me and my heart. Back away, work on you, and just pray for them, forgive them, they do not understand what they are doing fully. In no way am I making excuses, but compassion and understanding can go along way. I was abused and neglected growing up and didn’t know I learned certain mechanisms to dealing with those. Not everyone knows what they were taught or went through was wrong. Remember, hurt people, hurt people. We once were there. Don’t excuse the behavior, but just be mindful, we all were there in one way. Exactly how they treat another, is how they were treated. That’s so disgusting and disturbing to me, to see parents hurting their children in ways that it’s so hard to heal as an adult. A lot Of these parents were kids having kids. Always rebuke in a loving way.. now I did no contact for 4 months at a time and he keeps coming back. So I told him he won’t get the me he got before unless things change. I want him healed and saved. I want him to come to heaven with me, even if that means we aren’t together. I want him saved, that’s more important than me being with him, I’m more concerned about his soul. So if we never get together, that’s okay, as long as he’s saved. Don’t be selfish, it isn’t about just you! Don’t ignore others pains just because you no longer go through it, and the only reason I’m able To be as strong, is because of me leaning on Jesus and not my own strength and might, but his.

it doesn't apply to fearful-avoidant who is genuenly these 2 core wounds and are confused by nature...

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Question. Pourquoi les evitants sont ils cruels avec ceux qui les aiment ? On dirait que plus la personne est proche et plus l'evitant devient particulièrement odieux. Même avec les gens secures ils ont toujours cette haine de l'autre comme si sa simple présence était intolérable.

How would monkey branching affect this process?

What is the timing on being her friend? I have stayed in friendly contact with my FA and have gone no contact because she would not agree to a face to face meeting. Trying to give her time and space in order to allow her to get over any fear. I get that when communication starts again it's building a new relationship, yes starting at the "first date" stage and building from there.

What if I broke up with them?

Ex reached out, called crying and begging for forgiveness for all the mistakes she made in the relationship and for breaking up. Says she loves me and now realizes she cant be without me. We talked for some days. She said that she misses me i'm the love of her life and that she wants to be with me...BUT cant be with me at the moment. Not revealing the reasons... I believe she might be in a rebound. Its been one week since we last spoke.

This is the main reason women file divorces so much after hitting 45. And they go for good. They would find new partners (multiple). Never return.

My avoidant ex said he miss me and ask me if I was happy when I was with him

Really painful when they would rather spend time with strangers than people who went out of their way to help them...

this is great video for me to understand my ex avoidant behavior and what she has been through in her childhood. Helps me heal. Appreciate you sharing your experience and knowledge about avoidant behaviors. Because avoidant never communicates with us and disappear. In relationship avoidant can go undetected most of the time. This video definitely cools off my anxiety and perception about her.

Run! Especially if they are fearful-avoidant. Like all the others said, if they aren't aware of their tendencies, they will guilt-shame you, blame you for minor mistakes that could have been solved in 20minutes. They'll take your self-esteem. If you're secure, you will get anxious, if you're anxious your invited on a very dark rollercoaster of yourself, while nothing that they do really have anything to do with you.

why should you care? No one deserves to be treated poorly, like they did, simply for caring about someone.

Nothing went wrong,

Mine was seeking validation and reassurance as she moved to the next guy. I am going into the third week of no contact and focusing on myself.

I called him out on his bad behaviour and how he was treating me and making me feel . Then 3 days later i get a dump text

Alexis, do you have any videos/content about when you have dumped/broken up with your DA ex? Is there anything different about how DA process a break up when they are the ones who were broken up with?

man alex, as a straight man, those eyes of yours are making me lean straight-ish 😍

have to dissagree. some times people are so afraid of rejection, they may want to reach out but wont, beause of unprocessed guilt. fearful avoidants specifically can sometimes have so much guilt it prevents them from reaching out because they're terrified of being rejected...especially if they're rejection sensitive folks like myself and my ex..we're both adhd and both an the autism spectrum .

Is thirty days enough time for a fearful avoidant?

My in my opinion severe fearful avoidant monkey branched to me from a 12 year relationship. Yes everything was fantastic the first five months, then came the devaluation and slow fade leading to the discard. Suspect she's onto the next one in less than two months.

My fearful avoidant asked for a break. It's been a month. He confirmed me more times that he doesn't want to break up, he wishes to come back...donno when...but for now he has to do some work on himself, cause he didn't feel at all ok with himself, I also put pressure on him, cause I am anxious attachment, so he needs space and time to figure out his life and direction and thoughts, emotions etc . Can you say, according to your experience and researches, after how long they come back? I focus on securing my anxious attachment style, yet, sometimes i cannot help asking myself how much time he needs and how long these kind of breaks last, as I also need to know what to do with my life further. Thank you!

she love bombed me for one year. Then, at the one year mark - COMPLETE 180 in treatment towards me ( after I moved in)

My ex's life has... literally - fallen apart in every single way since we broke up. Lost her job, became ill, got evicted, moved in with her parents ( she's 50). She is, quite honestly, a TRAIN WRECK on her own ( she's a train wreck WITH me). She has adult ADHD and trauma. She's borderling BPD. I had to break up with her, because she was acting a bit disrespectful. It's been 3 months since our breakup, and I haven't broken no contact.

❤ ❤❤ your accent Alexis!!

Why would he say “any man that would pass you up is an idiot”? And then say it was just a compliment what he really meant was anyone but him. So when I questioned him he got triggered and I broke up with him. Did that mean he really liked me or did he mean he wanted to break up with me? He also said he was sorry he couldn’t give me what I wanted.

Don't

How long does this take on average? 1yr, 2 yrs etc

Alexis, thank you very much for sharing so much good information about avoidants, it really helps after break up. I feel lost now and don’t know what next step I should do. I was literally blindsided and discarded by my severe dismissive avoidant partner 1 month ago after 4,5 years relashionship just month after we began discussing move in together and engagement possibility. I accepted his proposal to be friends. 2 weeks after break up it was communication chaos - we talked almost everyday, mostly he initiated contact and also keep sending me reals and watched my stories in Instagram. Suddenly all communication stopped and after 3 days I called and expressed my worries, we had a fight and ended in bad terms, he said many hurtful things. That was the time I took decision to go no contact ane not initiate any contact first, but not ignore if he will reach out. After 2 days he called again, we had fun talk, we both laughed, after that he called after 3 days (week ago) we talked very calm and easy, but I felt he was numb and a bit depressive. After that already one week- he didn’t initiated no call, no talk, no reals, didn’t watch my stories (I post just some photos like spending time with my family), just disappeared. I really don’t know what to do now and what to expect…

Hi, can someone be anxious and avoidant at the same time ?

He started something new within a month. She's an old friend from his hometown (one of the old gang). She lives 3 hours away. I always thought he has a strange attachment to his hometown and those friends.

He started something with someone within a month. She's an old friend from his hometown, one of "the gang" (she lives 3 hours drive away). It all seems so stupid. Just before we broke up, I had a cancer scare (but all tests were negative), and he said he would be with me through anything. We were planning our future together, what to do with our houses, where to retire. I just can't get my mond around any of if it.

Feels like youre talking about fearful avoidants here

Mr. Alexis, I appreciate all your videos, your approach, etc. And I have no doubt that you have a very good understanding of avoidant behavior. What I don’t understand is how a functioning, capable adult could be driven, controlled by their fears. They behave the way they do out of fear and because they don’t want to feel controlled or trapped….how in the world do they not realize that they are being controlled by their own fears?! So backwards. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I feel terrible that my ex has this internal battle. I wish she knew about her attachment style. But I guess someday she will figure it out. So sad….Anyway, thank you Mr. Alexis for these videos. I am learning a lot!!!

I’d be very careful with this information. A friend of mine was an avid gym goer, she ran frequently AND did several marathons but almost 2 years ago she committed suicide. I don’t understand why either.

a month after the breakup, my ex sent me a closure letter. does that mean it's over or are there still chances for reconciliation? 😢

Depression, after an unspoken or unsolved break up (mine left the country), is sucking and is going to drown me: if I just can't or don't want to remember, how healthy I have been before. Yes, I know, that I have to do walking / hiking , or gym, or yoga, stretching: in order to remember my body (just exactly like "mens sana in corpore sano") who, and how healthy I was before. there is a life, and there has to be. and I need my resources anyway (don't laugh), in case, he will be back here in my country, my place.

How can you ask if they understand they have an emotional attachment issue without losing too much time rekindling in case they didn't ?

I spoke with Alexis a year and a half ago and his advice was that we first needed to be in the same place (we were long distance and broken up after a brief situationship). We agreed to travel together for 3 months to “try again,” but then at the end of the 3 months, when I asked for commitment, he left. It’s now become an off and on again cycle. I feel he wants to change but there is a small part of him that has so much fear about making the wrong choice. I think he feels that if we get back together one more time, then he “has to” marry me even though I’ve never said anything like that, but he knows I want marriage and kids. I’m FA so that makes it even harder because I’m also hot and cold as I don’t trust him. I did 1 month no contact in May and he missed me a LOT but it still wasn’t quite enough yet… and I became more independent during that time. Now we’ve been getting closer again and I feel so confused. I think he wants to be with me deep down but I don’t know if he can overcome his fear - and on top of that, I don’t know if I can ever fully trust him again. A part of me wonders if I should have just stayed no contact permanently.

I have been in no contact for 2 months with my ex who dumped me 18months ago. He has sent messages updating me on his life and I have not replied, and he was silent for a month and then he messaged me a few days ago saying he “genuinely wants to know how I am doing” I didn’t reply and he sent an email updating me on his life and asking how I am doing. I am not replying because he is just asking how I am doing because he is curious. He is not telling me he realized he wants me in his life or he misses me or wants to talk. He is just acting like he is checking in as though he cares about me but I am glad I didn’t reply because he if he was actually concerned about me he would follow up asking if I am ok or try calling etc. He is acting not worried at all. Not for my well being or the fact he might have finally lost me. Why should I even want to talk to someone who shows so little care for me? After all lets not forget he also dumped me so that was the biggest indicator he doesn’t really want me in his life anymore so I am finally gone. I don’t care if he is avoidant. I was in a relationship with him for 11yrs and I know he is capable of being open with me if he wants to and showing me more effort if he wants me in his life. The message is clear to me now. He still doesn’t want me in his life he was just curious how I am doing and decided to ask and if I replied cool, he can then satisfy his curiosity and feel like he is a good person for checking in and he is still friendly with me and he will go back to living his life without me and checking in when he feels like it. I’m all set. I am not playing this game anymore. IF he ever decides he wants me in his life again he will need to put in more effort and I will see if I have any interest in him anymore then. If he doesn’t want to do that then I am not losing anything I now realize. I don’t need avoidant breadcrumbs He knows I tried to get him back so many times and I tried to be patient. I tried to be vulnerable and open. It’s his turn now to show me the effort if he is ever ready. I don’t believe him asking how I am and not following up shows he is ready at all. Maybe he will never want more with me again

Im in the on off cycle… family contact me included. I am a bit lost because he did not contact me again in two weeks. I am giving him space but… it’s getting long🫤